A man who lives in Washington, D.C., was recently taken into custody at his home. The charge? He crossed the border that separates D.C. from Virginia and allegedly raped a woman who lives in Virginia.
It’s not just rapists though. There are also robbers living in D.C. who periodically enter our state. They’re called IRS agents. These people come into our state regularly and steal millions of dollars from the hard-working people of Virginia.
Why should we Virginians have to put up with this? Why should Washington, D.C., be permitted to send its rapists and robbers into our state?
I’ve got an idea! Let’s build Trump’s Wall on the D.C.-Virginia border. That will keep us Virginians safe from the rapists and robbers who live in D.C. and who insist on coming into our state and committing their crimes.
What about all the rest of the people in Washington — that is, the innocent ones, the ones who don’t commit crimes and who wish to enter our state?
Tough luck. You’ll just have to pay the price for your rapists and robbers who cross our border to do us harm, just like President Trump, one of Washington, D.C.’s, residents, is keeping innocent immigrants out of the United States simply because some immigrants end up committing crimes after they get here. If it’s okay for Trump to punish thousands of innocent people to keep America safe, including with his proposed Berlin Wall on the U.S.-Mexico border, why shouldn’t we Virginians be able to keep ourselves safe from D.C. rapists and robbers with a Berlin Wall on the D.C.-Virginia border?
Uh-oh! i just thought of something. Even if we build a Berlin Wall on the D.C.-Virginia border, D.C. people could still cross into Maryland and then enter Virginia by crossing the Maryland-Virginia border. Or they could take a boat to North Carolina and enter our state that way. Or go around the world and come into our state from West Virginia.
That means then that we’ll need a Berlin Wall all around our state. To enforce it, the state could conscript Virginia men and women into the Virginia Militia to do “state service,” i.e., check people’s papers as they enter the state, search people’s persons and vehicles at all border crossings, trespass on properties along the borders to search for illegal D.C. residents, have highway checkpoints on Virginia highways, conduct roving Border Patrol checkpoints on city streets, man the Berlin Wall encircling the state, and shoot and kill any D.C. resident trying to illegally enter our state.
But it just occurred to me that all that is likely to turn Virginia into one massive police state, one that could end up looking like East Germany or like the Southern border of the United States.
So, I’ve come up with a better solution: Let’s just build Trump’s Wall all around D.C. In that way, everyone in the country would be protected.
Of course, Trump and his Trumpistas would complain that this would mean that Trump would be prevented from visiting other parts of the country.